If I Were A Boy (Girl)

Last night I tweeted that my wife wanted to eat in McDonalds and I disagreed. Today she asked again and I, not in any mood to test my luck at refusing her again, relented. While sitting there, I heard Beyonce and R. Kelly’s remake of Beyonce’s If I Were a Boy.

a short-lived victory

I never liked that song. I think it’s because I can hear myself responding in my head the whole time, “Yeah, but you aren’t. So sing about something else.” Also, there’s just something wrong with pretending we can walk in the other person’s shoes and say what we would do if we were them.

I mean, what if a guy wrote a song and said, “If I were a girl, I wouldn’t use PMS as an excuse for all kinds of terrible behavior.” That would just be poor song writing. It would also be cruel and ignorant. The hypothetical guy has no idea what it’s like to go through that every month so it’s just arrogant to presume he know what he’s saying. He can make suggestions, but do so without pretending to know everything about the other person.

Beyonce starts by making a list of things she wishes her man was. And how he doesn’t do any of those things. She then says that if she was the guy she’d do a better job. Then R. Kelly starts with his whole list of things he wishes his woman was. And how she doesn’t do any of those things. The song ends with the relationship right at the brink of falling apart.

I think R. Kelly was inspired by the Total Eclipse of the Heart video

Well, hearing the duet again today finally made clear what it was I didn’t like about it. And here it is:

For a relationship to work, both parties must serve each other’s needs. Not take for themselves.

Both parties keep talking about what the other should be doing. But neither of them are LISTENING. No one is acknowledging what the other is saying. No one even admits to the other party’s hurts. It’s an escalation of accusation.

She says he’s bad at this. He says she’s bad at that. And on and on it goes. Zero giving, zero listening, zero forgiveness – it’s amazing they stayed together long enough to finish the song.

Of course, you could also say, “Relax, Joe. It’s just a song.” And you would be right.

I mean, no one really uses movies, music, or hit songs to determine their perspective on love and relationships, right?

That would just be dumb.

Tomorrow I’ll give practical examples of how this mindset plays out and how we can respond if we’re looking to give, and not to take.

Was R. Kelly's mansion built by the Umbrella Corporation? No wonder it didn't work out.



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  • Reply Michelle Padrelanan September 4, 2012 at 11:49 pm

    I totally agree with you. I also never really liked that song, too, because the message just seemed too arrogant. Maybe because it also hit close to home. Isn’t it true that women really tend to think that we can do jobs a lot better than men can? There are many examples of that in the Bible. Women like Rebekah,wife of Isaac, who thought she knew better than Isaac when she manipulated her husband and sons for the blessing for Esau. A relationship really needs each person’s humility for it to grow. I’ll look forward to the continuation of this post.

    • Reply Joseph September 4, 2012 at 11:59 pm

      Great insight! Thanks for adding to the blog.

  • Reply miel maguigad September 5, 2012 at 1:27 am

    Though I dare not presume to know what it is like to be in a marriage, past/failed relationships do give credence to what you are saying. No one listens, no one accepts. Some of us enter into a relationship with this whole “prince charming concept” thus giving us a high expectation of what is not even there. Blame it on cartoons and fairy tales but usually, the problem starts from there. We paint this picture or make a list of what we want in a partner. Usually, a list too impossible to actually fill.

    • Reply Joseph September 5, 2012 at 1:40 am

      Hi Miel! Thanks for sharing your wisdom with us.

  • Reply arlene September 5, 2012 at 2:31 am

    well i don’t like the song either. . .coz we can never be in their shoes. . .we always says i’ll be better person than your bf/gf or wife /husband. . .but the mere fact we can never really tell if you were doing the same thing or your doing much better person if you were in his/her shoes coz we are not in there situation. . .what if your in there situation and yet your doing the same thing like your gf/bf do. . .it’s easy for us to say those things we will never do that,done that if i were him/her but when we are in there situation do we still say the same thing that you are much better person than your gf/bf. . .

  • Reply Anne September 5, 2012 at 8:49 am

    i don’t know why, but i love reading every article you post, especially about your life story with your wife… I am a fan of her because she is so pretty, and even prettier when she was married to Christian, but also a pastor… keep posting and i will keep reading, hehehe

    • Reply Joseph September 5, 2012 at 9:06 am


  • Reply Carisse September 5, 2012 at 10:41 am

    I say head over to Red Box and belt it out with Carla over some twister fries, then post it on Youtube. Yehey!!!

    Heehee just kidding (kinda)

    Hi Joe! 😀

    • Reply Joseph September 5, 2012 at 11:51 am

      Hi Carisse! Hahaha! While I can totally see the value in that kind of video, I’m afraid I will not be up to the task. But great suggestion!

  • Reply Carisse September 6, 2012 at 9:08 pm

    Awwwww I’ll try not to be too disappointed. hehe. See ya around Joe! Hi to the missus!

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