Pastor! kailan ba ang tamang panahon para manligaw? (When is the right time to court someone?)

I’m assuming you’re a guy because I’ve only heard this question from guys.

Dating is only a recent social invention and is meant to be a transitory stage into the beauty of marriage that God designed for us.

I don’t think there’s an actual time frame, but more of who are you and what are you ready for. Like my dad told me, and I tell the young men you disciple, the hardest part about chasing a woman isn’t the chase, but what you do if you catch her. Are you ready to love her by dying to yourself now, the way Jesus did for us? (Ephesians 5:25)

So my recommendation, and this only a recommendation not a biblical, all-encompassing rule, is to begin thinking about dating, courting, or whatever when you’ve thought about what comes after and you’re looking for this stage to lead into that.  

Hi,ptr.joe!iam really blessed with your love story. How did you overcome temptations? Was it difficult for you and carla to keep your purity before marriage?

Oh yeah! One reason is coz she’s really hot. But more than that, my old sinful nature keeps trying to drag me back into someone God didn’t make me to be.

We were able to overcome by first realizing that because of Jesus, this sinful tendency is powerless. It seems like the urges are strong, but really they’ve been beaten and crushed by Jesus already. Secondly, we constantly asked the Holy Spirit to help us as we fight these temptations. We’d remind each other of the stand we made and how much more beautiful God’s plans for us were than the promise of illicit sex. Thirdly, we worked out these spiritual truths into practical steps: get counsel and accountability from others, don’t put ourselves in compromising situations (two of us alone for extended periods of time in a room, etc).

Good day pastor Joseph! How do you become a missionary? My husband and I have been contemplating on joining the field and volunteering but we are having second thoughts especially when it comes to leaving our jobs (bills, support for family, etc.)…

There are so many ways people become vocational ministers. So it’ll be hard to be very specific here. I think generally, at least for our movement, just volunteer first. Serve somewhere, anywhere. (Every Christian should be doing that anyway.)

And if God’s calling you to do it full-time, you’ll know and so will the people around you. And if He is calling you do it, He’ll take care of the finances. Just like He will for any other vocation – business people, academics, manual laborers, etc.

Super thank you for not asking a relationship related question.

Why did you decide against collating your podcast in one site?

Good question. Maybe I’ll start it up again. I just thought it was too much work.

Hi Pastor Joseph! Have you ever had a money issue with Carla? How do you manage if the wife has more money than the husband before marriage? Thanks!

From what I’ve learned from much wiser, much more mature, and much more experienced couples, there are different ways that marriages handle money. But there are biblical principles we can follow that can guide us.

Personally, Carla and I agreed that I would provide for our needs and she would work and make money for extra stuff. So we’ve decided to live entirely on what I bring in. This allows me to lead in a way that is helpful for both of us. And she doesn’t have the burden of sustaining the family financially.

You’re right in saying that she had more money than me before getting married, but now that we are one, we see it as one account. But I still don’t touch it, unless she volunteers it for special things like helping her family, giving to a specific need of someone else, or investing for the future.

The title speaks for itself. From my experience, the times that Carla and I were separated have been very tough. I find myself getting irritated that we can’t be together and that makes us even fight and argue. Miscommunication and even mistrust seem to pop up easier.

All of the internet connectivity – Skype, Whatsapp, Voxer, Twitter, Facebook, Line, YM – can’t compare with hugging her, holding her hand, having her lean her head on my shoulder or falling asleep beside her.

I am amazed by couples who can make it work, and respect them for it. But not in a way that I want to emulate. It just seems too painful for us.

This Chart of Respectability may be helpful. As we can see, long distance relationships are in the middle of the second column.

There’s another relationship I’m in that’s similar to a long distance one. The problem with this one is, because it’s always been like this, I’ve gotten used to it. And I often forget that one day it won’t be this way. This is my relationship with God.

Yeah, there’s church where I can hear messages from the Bible and relate with other believers. Yes, there are worship songs that make me feel closer to Him. Sometimes in prayer, I have moments that can only be described as otherworldly. But that’s just like Skyping for now. It’s better than nothing, but it’s nothing compared to what is to come.

The Bible promises that one day, those who believe in Jesus will have a relationship with God that is beyond religion and spiritual practices. It will be more tangible. I don’t know if it will be physical. Can I hug Him? Can I jump on His back? Will it be too bright? Can we eat together? But it will definitely be more real than anything else we’ve ever experienced.

Revelation 21:3-4 says,

God will live with us. We’ll finally be able to perceive Him as He really is, and not by representation. He’ll wipe every tear from our eyes, and all the injuries, suffering, trials, trouble, heartache, sickness, tragedy, and disasters will not compare with it.

We’ll look at those memories and feel no pain or sorrow in them, that’s how great the joy will be. That’s difficult for me to get my mind around, because there are a lot of problems that I see right now. But that’s only because I’m still not at that point with God.

That’s what faith is about. Knowing that it looks bleak today, but it won’t always be like this. So I’m thankful for my Bible for reminding me of what’s to come. I’m thankful for my church and the relationships with people waiting for that day. Let’s be excited to share this with people so they can believe it and see that day too.

Wrote this blog last Wednesday to post today. It’s a series of questions I want to ask people and ask myself whenever there’s an issue that won’t seem to go away. Or a problem I can’t seem to get over.

What are:

• the little things we’ll choose to be offended by instead of letting the issue go and laughing it off?
• the little scraps of identity we cling to instead of simply being known as sons and daughters of God?
• the fleeting tokens we’ll die for instead of receiving the fullness of all God has to offer?
• the puny kingdoms we think we rule that we prefer to walking in unity?
• the pathetic ego boosts that we insist on inserting into the conversation instead of walking in the freedom of forgetting about ourselves?

Next time something seems so pressing that you have to do something about it,

Next time you’re tempted to be offended and ready to cut ties,

Next time you want to respond angrily and publicly,

Next time you make a resolution never to work with another person,

Let’s ask ourselves first:

• After everything Jesus forgave in me, what right do I have to be angry?
• With everything his riches provide, do I really need to hold on to THAT?
• Why is this particular thing (whatever it is) so important to me when Jesus has provided all I need?
• Is it really that important to prove myself right or debate that issue to make myself look good, when the Gospel clearly establishes my utter sinfulness apart from Christ and my future incomparable glory with Him?

Hope this helps.

Was inspired to continue answering these Formspring questions while riding a taxi and hearing yet another person with love issues call a radio dj to ask for advice, while the dj played mocking noises in the background, finally capping it off with a playing of Victims of Love. I felt sad for this person who obviously needed help (or wanted attention. Maybe both.) and had to receive this kind of treatment to get it.

In saying this I mean no offense at all against DJ’s who give out love advice, especially the ones who are trained and motivated beyond putting on a good show to really providing a service to others. I remember meeting Joe D’Mango this year and found him to be wise and helpful.

Anyway… Here’s Formspring #4

Hi pastor Joseph, how would you define submission in marriage. And you said that in relationship both of you should know about what your partner needs. What if husband doesnt care about what you want. he Loves you the way he wants, not the way I want. Thx

The Bible gives us clear instructions of what submission means, I think.

Ephesians 5:22-24 “22 Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.”

And 1 Peter gives helpful ideas for wives whose husbands are less than perfect:

1 Peter 3:1-2 “Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, 2 when they see the purity and reverence of your lives.”

prt.Joe, may tym po ba na sobrang nag selos kayo because may mas pogi pang nanligaw kay mam rica? or may nalaman kayo crush ni mam rica?

Yes! As I started to like her, I began noticing other guys who seemed interested as well. But I knew that jealousy wouldn’t be healthy. And more importantly, I had no right since she wasn’t mine. That’s why I married her. I gave myself to her and she gave herself to me. Now she’s mine. Mwahaha!

Pastor in surrendering 100 % fully to God should I break up with my boyfriend even thought my boyfriend is a man of God??

Is God telling you to do that? A boyfriend who is a man of God can help you pursue Him better. But it can also be a hindrance. When God talks to you – through the Bible, through godly people who give you advice, through circumstances, and through the Holy Spirit using your own mind, common sense, and peace – what is He saying?

Hi Pastor, I have a friend in school who would backstab me yet she would be very sweet to me whenever we’re together. I don’t know if I should leave her or just stick with her. What would you do?

You’re asking me what I’d do, so here’s what I’ve done in the past. If the person is a real friend who I want to stay close with still, I talk to them and ask them if they really said what I heard about. Basically, I’m giving them an opportunity to come clean and we can be reconciled.

But there also times when the person doesn’t seem like they want to work on it. At that point, I do what I have to to protect myself – like I won’t open up sensitive information to them anymore because I don’t know where it will go. It can be sad, but it takes two people to make a friendship work, and someone who continues to backstab you isn’t a friend.

Pastor,I just want to thank you for inspiring people with your words. Indeed, God’s love can transform anyone. I really need to ask this, how did you fully accept your wife’s past? Is it difficult? I really admire Ate Rica and how GOD changed her!:)

I love this question. I love it because it’s one of the most beautiful pictures of what Jesus did for us. The Bible says in 2 Corinthians 5:17, “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!”

“In Christ” means a person who has put their faith in Jesus to cover over their sins. Jesus died on the Cross taking the death we were suppose to die for our own sins.

“New creation” means that for those who believe in Jesus, every bad thing has been taken away from them and replaced with the perfection of Jesus. So to be honest, I don’t need to accept my wife’s past because that’s not her. What she is is a daughter of God, beautiful, flawless, lovely inside and out. Anything that seems to be reminiscent of that past is a temporary thing and as we follow God together, her true identity becomes more and more clear.

hi! i was the one who asked the question abt dating, and thank u for answering it do u agree that one should only start dating when u think you’re prepared for marriage?

Well, that’s what I did. I don’t think it’s automatically wrong to date without marriage in mind. I just find it pointless and an unnecessary temptation to sin.

If you want to ask questions, you can click this link. You can also read this very helpful resource.

I was at the grocery yesterday evening buying stuff for the house. I enjoy doing groceries and (meaning whenever I feel like it) because it’s a nice change from my usual day. I made the mistake of being hungry while at the grocery so I had to work extra hard to resist the temptation as virtually every aisle called to me and even items that I don’t normally eat suddenly seemed quite delectable. (Uy, vienna sausage!)

Good thing my wife and I have a resolution to minimize eating unhealthy food and the best way to do that is to make sure that our kitchen is stocked with good food. By buying healthy stuff, we can be sure that when we get a case of the munchies, we’re putting in life-giving items for our body. So into the cart they went – organic eggs, whole wheat bread, fresh milk, Domex, Lysol- oops, read too far down the grocery list.

While pushing the cart along, I was listening to a theology class from Pastor Paul Barker. I found myself laughing at the jokes, answering his rhetorical questions out loud, but more importantly I felt stronger some how. Like I was thankful to Jesus for saving me, eager to get back to work at honoring Him and making disciples, and looking forward to meeting my discipleship group of guys this evening.

This is the concept that Christians have historically called being edified. It comes from a Latin word which means to build. Being edified means you are being built up internally – becoming stronger, developing greater faith, passion for the right things, etc. Like our physical bodies need training to stay strong and healthy, our spirits need training also.

One of the best ways to do this is to watch your intake. Carla and I don’t buy certain food products so that we’ll snack on healthy stuff. We have the occasional Chippy or instant mami, but the majority is nutritious food that is prepared fresh.

An actual funny dinner we had once: organic eggs, whole wheat bread, and chippy

In the same way, what’s your spiritual intake like? Are you full of non-life-giving stuff? TV series marathons? Sappy love songs? Senseless comedies? Movies or tv shows with scantily clad women (or men)? Maybe this would explain why our spirits easily give in to selfishness, pride, lust, envy, greed, etc. It’s in our intake.

How about songs that build you up spiritually? As I write this I’m listening to music by Lecrae, Tedashii, and Trip Lee. While I’m not exactly a rap and R&B fan, this music has some of the highest spiritual nutrition content I’ve found. So instead of killing time eating spiritual Chippy, I might as well build myself up.

How about podcasts that preach the Word of God? I’m sure there’s something out there from a preacher on a topic that will connect to your current situation?

But I don’t know where to find that!

You’re on a browser on the internet. I’m sure you’ll figure it out. 

Or even better, how about getting the highest, densest, most nutritious content ever. READ YOUR BIBLE. It might not seem to make sense right away, but that’s fine. Ask God for wisdom as you read. Humbly get advice on it from a church that worships Jesus. And watch yourself bulk up spiritually.

click the pic for it's source

Have nothing to do with godless myths and old wives’ tales; rather, train yourself to be godly. For physical training is of some value, but godliness has value for all things, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come. 1 Timothy 4:7-8

All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work. 2 Timothy 3:16-17