How to Get the Girl: Ready… Get Set…

This blog is intended to help and bring insight to people. Please feel free to share this with others. It’s not a platform for shaming, embarrassing, or calling anyone out. Any comments of that nature will be deleted.

While it is addressed to the men, women are welcome to read, comment, and share, especially since their perspective would be quite valuable.

This is the fourth of a series of blogs on How to Get the Girl. I’m sharing some insights and thoughts on going after the woman you want to maybe marry one day. The first three blogs can be found here, here, and here. So far we’ve been building up to the moment right before we ask the girl out. Now we’re at the place where the guy is getting ready to tell the girl.

But even though most men have felt this impulse to pursue a woman, many of us differ on how it’s done and what it looks like. Here are common questions we’ve encountered that men ask when they’re about to pursue a woman.

 

1. Do we need to be friends first?

Yes and no. There are pros and cons for both sides.

Being friends helps a lot. You know about her interests, passions, and common friends, so you have a lot of starting resources to develop the relationship. The downside is if it doesn’t work out you might lose a friend. And it can also get awkward for your mutual friends who might feel like they have to choose between you two.

Not being friends doesn’t have the risk of losing a friendship, but it will be difficult to convince the girl that you’re serious and you really know her. It might seem random and almost arbitrary. She might ask herself, “What makes him say he likes me when he doesn’t know me?” You’ll also have to act quickly to get to know her. But that’s fine, if that’s what you’re prepared to do.

Personally, Carla and I were great friends before we started dating. The conversations were already free-flowing and light, before they became intimate and emotionally-charged. I was ready to dare to date her and lose the friendship. But I’ve also seen couples who weren’t friends at first who worked out well. It depends largely on the girl and her preferences.

NOTE ON BEING FRIENDZONED: Some guys are afraid to pursue their female friends because they’re afraid to be friendzoned. If you can still live with this tension, then don’t pursue the girl and just bake in your own indecision. But if you’re past that, and you really want to pursue her, and you’re willing to take the risk, then maybe she’ll appreciate it. I’m sure she’ll like it better that you let her know where you stand, instead of making her play a guessing game.

click pic for site where I got it from

click pic for site where I got it from

2. What if I can’t get close to her?

Well, that’s where your skill, energy, and dedication as a man pursuing a woman comes in. Like the saying goes, “All’s fair in love and war.” I think, most guys who say they don’t have time to get to know the girl, really haven’t prioritized it. They expect to still live their normal lives – work, basketball time, DOTA time – and occasionally have a companion to the movies. Maybe that will happen, but maybe not. The question is, what are you prepared to do?

When Carla and I were dating, she was still on Umagang Kay Ganda. There were days when I would wake up at 3 AM to be at her house by 4 AM, ride with her to ABS-CBN at 5. Then commute to the office at 7:15 AM. Those two hours and 15 minutes in the studio would be our “date.” You do what you have to do to be with the one you want to be with.

 

3. What if I like a girl who’s already in a relationship?

I know in Philippine culture, that’s kind of a no-no. Don’t mess with a girl who’s already dating someone. And 99% of the time, I would agree with that. But if you’re a guy who is going to go crazy. And you’re convinced you have a shot. Then why not give it a go? It’s better than wondering “what if?” for the rest of your life. I know a number of healthy marriages today that started with one or the other party already in a relationship that they realized wasn’t working for them.

Two warnings though:

  • The stakes are higher this time. If you do this casually and mess up people’s lives this way, you will have a very bad reputation that will be very difficult to live down. Don’t decide this randomly.
  • If the girl has been sending you signals of being into you while in a relationship, think hard. Is she honestly confiding in you as a friend? That, I think, is fine. Or is she trying to swim in two streams – flirting with you while in a relationship? That, I think, is scary. Coz if she does that now with you, can she do that later on with someone else? Pray pray pray. 🙂

 

4. How much money do I need?

See How to Get the Girl: Assets, point #2

 

5. What if she’s out of my league?

Even better! De naka lamang ka! Ayaw mo non? But seriously, if you develop your assets, like I said in How to Get the Girl: Assets. You could have a reasonable shot. That’s why we have The Helmet Club.

Click the pic to see some of our members!

Click the pic to see some of our members!

6. How can I be sure she’ll say yes?

You can’t be sure until you ask her! Hahaha! This venture is not for the faint-of-heart. This is not for seguristas. There is no way to eliminate the risk. This is loving leadership in one of its most beautiful forms. Sure there’s a little bit to lose, but there’s everything to gain also. 🙂

 

 

 

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8 Comments

  • Reply clare February 12, 2014 at 1:23 pm

    Hello. New reader here.. was following this series of blogs and i find it very helpful even if it really was intended for men. As a member of the female gender and from experience, i must say that an affair built from friendship is a stable one. 🙂 i’m also a follower of your wife’s blogs and i love her creative writings too. may you both inspire more people pa. Godbless! 🙂

    • Reply Joseph February 12, 2014 at 10:42 pm

      Thank you! And I appreciate the feedback!

  • Reply Mia February 13, 2014 at 4:28 am

    I found this through Facebook. My boyfriend used to tell me to take care of my “helmet.” I didn’t get it at first, but then his friends started to joke around it, too, so I sorta figured it out. Lol

    • Reply Joseph February 13, 2014 at 8:37 am

      Hahaha! Congratulations, you’re with a guy who thinks you’re special and worth taking care of.

  • Reply Marga February 13, 2014 at 8:22 pm

    Hey Pastor, I shared your blog on FB. Since I have many friends that are Catholics, I shared it so they can know (girls) that they should be valued not to be treated like thrash, btw this is awesome 🙂

  • Reply Ann February 19, 2014 at 10:15 am

    Hi Pastor Joseph,

    While reading this blog of yours, i can’t help, but smile, can’t explain the feelings, and my heart beats so fast.. 🙂

    “You do what you have to do to be with the one you want to be with.”

    Thank you so much for this.

    God bless you always.

  • Reply Fatima Faye Ildefonso February 19, 2014 at 2:09 pm

    Excerpt from the blog 🙂

    POINT 1:

    In the same way as a man shouldn’t ask a girl out for a date because of loneliness, a girl also has to let go of her loneliness, insecurities and neediness (LIN) in order to become whole and welcome a guy in her life. Being whole helps us enter into a healthy relationship with another so that we both become two complete souls who can best serve God together.

    Still having problems with your LIN? No frett! God made you this way in order that you come to Him and find that missing part in you in Him. Remeber that only God can complete us. So erase that Jerry Maguire – You Complete Me scene in your mind and focus on how you can be complete with God. Which leads us to

    POINT 2:

    How can we be completed by God? This is simple. Be in the center of God’s Will and let His works find meaning in your life. “Be busy with your purpose,” says Axel. Then, as I always remind my friends, in His beautiful time, He will give you the right man He has promised. You won’t even realize you’ve waited for five years or decades for Him. Remember, He writes the best love stories. Claim His promise.

    POINT 3:

    In the same way as guys should consider Joseph’s Choose the one you would most likely love unconditionally for life, we should too.

    POINT 4:

    I don’t know the age of my readers, but I’d say, if you are considering a guy at his early 20’s, think again. Specifically for single guys – who just got out of a relationship, emotionally unavailable, or non-commital, guys at these age are just simply NOT YET READY (counting out the EXCEPTIONS here). See that the blog mentions 5+1 things that guys should consider before getting the girl. I personally think that even with the plus one, those items still doesn’t sum it all.

    Editing out the bad boy part, let’s just say that maybe this boy is just in a quarter-life crisis. We don’t need a scientific proof (although studies have already shown) that men mature much later in life than women do. So, let these guys find their way in life. Let them focus on their work, in finding themselves, and in enjoying life. If they have already decided that you are The One, they will surely pursue in God’s chosen way. Don’t let yourself get pressured by the timeline. We are in no rush. Again, let’s go back to Point 2, let’s focus on our assets while the boys things about their Point 2.

    I guess this is where I stop. Once the man gets past Point 4, and makes a leap of faith to Point 5, the ball is in your court. 🙂 Based from current experiences though, I am not yet in any position to advice beyond Point 4 since I have been declining men at this stage. Or that sadly, some men haven’t got past Point 4 yet.

    • Reply Joseph February 19, 2014 at 2:49 pm

      Wow! Thanks for the comment! And thanks for sharing and commenting on the blogs. 🙂 I like the running commentary from a female perspective.

    Would love to hear from you!